THE ROMANTIC LOVE HAS TWO STAGES
by Gary Chapman
The first stage requires little effort. We are pushed along by euphoric (on cloud nine, happy & excited) feelings. We commonly call this stage “being in love.” This is where the couple does not have to work on the relationship. They want to make each other happy and they often do. However, the average life span of this initial stage of romantic love is two years.
The second stage of romantic love is much more intentional than the first stage. And it requires work in order to keep emotional love alive. These are called the Five Love Languages. Here are the summary:
1. Words of Affirmation. This language uses words to affirm the other person. To speak this language, you look for things you admire or appreciate about the person and you verbally express your admiration. If a person’s primary love language is words of affirmation, your words will be like rain falling on dry soil. Nothing will speak more deeply of your love than words of affirmation.
2. Acts of Service. For these people, actions speak louder than words. The key to loving this person is to find out what things they would like for you to do. Then do them consistently.
3. Receiving Gifts. For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift. Better to give a gift that they have requested than to surprise them with a gift they do not desire. Not all gifts need to be expensive. A rose, a candy bar, a card, a book—any of these can communicate love deeply to the person whose love language is receiving gifts.
4. Quality Time. Quality time is giving the other person your undivided attention. It says, “I’m doing this because I want to be with you.” Whether you are planting a garden together or going to camping trip, the ultimate purpose is to spend time with each other. For some people, nothing makes them feel more loved than quality time.
5. Physical Touch. We have long known the emotional power of physical touch. Research indicates that babies who are touched and cuddled fare better emotionally than babies who spend long periods of time without physical touch. Every culture has appropriate and inappropriate touches between members of the opposite of sex. Appropriate touch is loving. Inappropriate touch is demanding. To the person whose primary love language is physical touch, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.
Everyone has a primary love language. One of the five speaks more deeply to us emotionally than the other four. By nature we tend to speak our own language. Whatever makes us feel loved is what we do for the other person. But if it is not his/her language, it will not mean to them what it mean to us.
How To Find Your Love Language?
1. Observe your own behavior.
2. What do you complain about?
(The complaints reveal what you most like to receive from the other people.)
3. What do you request most often?
Observe how you most often express love and appreciation to others; list your complaints and requests, and you will likely be able to determine your own primary love language.
How about you? What is your primary love language? =)
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